Leaving Marriage Because God Wants Me to Be Happy I do not know if it is love. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. I still love her with all my heart but she continues to treat me worse and worse. I just want to leave and not hurt him to bad. Cant eat or sleep, I feel depressed. We met at school and Im not ready for what happened, she just left for our friend. Medical lot are checking daily but there is nothing I can do. If its being away from me, then I have no choice but to deal with this sadness. Well one month into my overseas job that was just for 18 monthsshe told me she was leaving me after the financing on the new house fell through. That she was ok with the progression of things Ive lost my wife, best friend, kids as Im not in a state to see them and daily fatherly contCt. I put the number in and he had named her 1 of his work mates. So instead of just reading, you can actually take action. She strings me along soo damn well She KNOWS I would give ANYTHING for my wife back, my absolute best friend in the entire world, my everything. Wow that sounds horrible, cant believe after all those years its almost like they could erase everything you thought they were fighting for for nothing. Please. To obtain a list of therapists or counselors in your area, please enter your ZIP code here: Please know you are not alone. It takes a brave man to walk out on his wife and kids Hopefully my therapy along with meds will help me survive this horrible time of my life. Plus she cheated on me 3 times that I know off. He left me and 3 weeks after he was already dating a girl. Funny thing, I didnt know it! I am determined to hear what you would have to say about my situation I honestly need some help and feedback I have no support where I live just negativity thats it my family doesnt understand how I feel at all please Heather if there is any way possible please write back please. He insisted he had never acted on it, but that it turned him on. At some point its not worth wondering about your spouse because you can never really rationalize behavior that stems from this kind of illness. Fight for yourself, believe in yourself and never ever blame yourself for the ignorance of others. She came back after months and said wow you have changed! I just served him with divorce papers yesterday. I was sexually abused when I was 3 not by a parent / relative. !! I know for some people, strength is a lot more difficult to find within, and some people may not have a support network around them, but with, I didnt feel like a 20 year old. She kisses me passionately last Friday night and says. Everyone I know has been together for years and are still madly in love. I received deployment orders to head to Africa for a rapid response unit to help combat the Ebola virus and contain it by building ETU facilities. She was my world and the greatest mother our children could ever ask for. She is looking for a new Hm and we are still all in the same house. Just wanted to say, keep your head up. Research watch for the signs and never settle for anything less than you deserve. Rediscover that now. This podcast explores all things love and relationships. I dont know how you rip it apart and then walk away like nothings wrong. Only her family and closest friends knew she was actually dealing with a devastating situation that is all too familiar to . I was treated with an initial dose of flexoril and valium and ***NEURONTIN*** (Gabapentin). Well the next week she filed a pfa against me to leverage her getting the kids half time and support paying child support. I searched out an old girl friend from years back, we met several times for walks and just talked. We had 2 amazing little girls but right after the second one her first Xmas, 10 days before my wife says shes going to get Advil and doesnt come home. Although my son is older, he still has two years of high school left. Granted, I was pretty screwed up but I found a new place, was diagnosed with PTSD, arranged therapies, and prepared to leave. He is the best thing that has come out of this relationship for me, and for that, I am grateful.. I can see people are very emotional and have missed that these are the top 5 reasons not the only reasons cos obviously the list could be very long if that were the case. "My wife left me alone for nearly two years while I was away for work and . Like dressed hair nails etc for dances. Their best advice was for me to just get pregnant., My husband left me after going into a depression. My partner of 7 year left me 10 weeks ago, She is 40 and i am 47 and she had an affair when with a guy i know who is 49 after her father died. It's even cited as one of the events that often trigger a bout of depression in the first place. I gave a lot of myself over to my marriage and taking on a lot of stuff trying to be a help mate. Please be strong. And some families have one parent. He even deposited the 1st alimony early and as a (unrequested by me) convenience, closed my checking account and mailed a check to myour house to save me a trip to the bank! And now she wants to leave. . WHY??? Sadly there is no research about depression and suicide in men at this life stage (there's little enough about women). Is he struggling with finances? That stayed off the booze with your love and support then started to lie and drink because theyre bipolar. I came home from work and he was downstairs crying and moaning. She did move back in with me, but only for a short time, 4 months, and then she moved out again to the same relative. On Saturday he told me in no uncertain that it was over and made me feel stupid for not knowing. In fact they will sleep more soundly knowing we are eating out our hearts and crying ourselves to sleepover them My husband would withhold from me in many ways, not just lack of communication. My therapist told me she wanted her cake and eat it to. After all Ive been through I have not given up and please do not either. And some families have one parent. When you give yourself to a person completely then they just walk out of your life like nothing its so easy for them I feel depressed and dont know how to cope everything reminds me of him and its harder at night sleeping alone I saw this coming but still wasnt prepared enough. Noah loves his Dad and we have always maintained a civil relationship for his sake. ;) Again, terrific article! Im now in a great place but I still have difficult moments and difficult days, specifically when it comes to parenting alone or finding things to do on the weekends. I am now literally in a living hell. Its almost been six months and it feels like yesterday. Trust me, youll find your comfort in Jesus. The strategies Brad reveals are extremely powerful and might make the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy divorce. He is the one who took the initiative to walk out the door because he thought he was unhappy within our marriage. Because sinners are selfish! He is so evil, my family went with me to get my things and said he looked sick and crazy, not the person they thought they knew. I love all your comments. And once you get through this, youre going to feel like a brand new woman. This will be hated financially. So it wasnt long after that he became violent. Men want to feel and express the love they have for their spouses. And he just does not get it. Dont want to share this with anyone hoping he will see sense. I dont want to give her the satisfaction knowing she was able to completely shatter my heart again and I feel pretty friggin dumb having believed she actually wanted to save our family, our dream. we were happyhappy for 2 years. It sounds like the only way this will work is if you tell her what you want and deserve and if she cannot do that then get busy. Hardly functioning, feeling helpless. Go to the gym to tske out your anger, watch movies to get out of your painful world for awhile. What is weird is that his girlfriend walked right beside him and participated in destroying another human through this whole process. Jesus did not ever condone abusive behavior but he also didnt give you a right to judge your partner in a mental or physical illiness. Of course, feelings change over the course of a marriageyou are not going to have those sparks flying like you did when you first met. I am devastated, cant eat, have a pain inside me, dont want anyone to know and have always thought we would be together forever. Good luck with Thanksgiving maybe they will be nicer to you this year since youre going through this nightmare. Well she met me and and my legs were shaking really bad while I was talking to my wife about what I found and showed her. My husband filed a bogus Restraining Order and threw me out if my home. Have you thought about maybe having the teacher of your oldest daughter call DYFS? We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. . But the acceptance that he is gone from life doesnt make me hurt any less He literally left me and took my son for almost joint custody. She told me she couldnt do it anymore, and that she no longer loved me as a partner/husband. Breaking up is hard and can be hell!!!!! one big reason for her change,A year ago she quit taking antidepressant meds cold turkey and went through menopause at the same time, and it made her change not just mentally, but physically she totally changed her appearance. DEAR ABBY: I live with my longtime boyfriend, "George," and his 88-year-old father, "Frank." Frank is not your average 88-year-old. Finally, I embraced it., I thought I was a goner and my story was coming to an end. She packed all of her things and moved in with her mother after I found out. How so? This happens slowly and mysteriously until, one day, there are no common interests and someone gets bored and wants to move on. Maybe you want to place your studies on hold for awhile or get your family involved to temporarily help yout. . My husband left me as he fall o love with a woman online which he has never meet. Im questioning whether he really knows what love is xo I do. I beg you to take me from here: Spousal abandonment and the experience of separation in flight from persecution. These are really dated terms. Jimminy Cricket, If youre 11 years older, are 50, and taking $700 a month and $25,000, no wonder shes dumping you. 2. Wow great article. I went through a lot in my life but this by far hurt the most. Hi my husband has a habit, of being with me for about 4-5months , then takes off to do any and every thing for about two weeks . I just dont see it. Then a month later he came home and told me he never loved me and his mind was f$&k#% . Youre going to feel happy and wonderful again. You deserve to be happy, bottom line. Would tell them I would rather be at work than at home knowing. The morning came and he started screaming at me. I havent slept in 3 days and eating is very minimal. She promised she was done . Peace of mind is what I want. I couldnt believe she would do this to our family. Remember you deserve to be happy and there are many other men out there who will treat you right. We both work but I always brought home more income. I found out last Friday (after him denying it over and over) that he is having an affair. Wasnt throwing out enough, I lost everything!!! he still love his ex wife and tell to my face that his only pretending to love me all this years. I found this searching for some advice. You can move on and start enjoying life again with your kids know that you will. Take a step back look in the mirror .If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie. I begged her to stay and to come to couples counselling which she refused, telling me to go to counsell on my own She was also getting mess from her primary doctor as well. After 24 years of marriage, and 27 years of being together, my wife told me she no longer was in love with me. It was my amazing family and the true friends I can now count on my fingers who propped me up. Had a six month affair with my real estate agent next door. Now all I want is bed and tears. 4 months ago he started being very cold with me. In shock I could barely breath I was on the floor shaking and he did nothing. I realized I needed help, again, and I have since been doing that. The last thing you want to do is spend it with a happily married couple or try to entertain your child while you meet your child-free friend for coffee and a chat. (more time is spent telling your child to sit down/stop that/behave). Well one thing youve not mentioned is being with an alcoholic. Read what happens when a) they loose their job. I got back with him. We live in a rural area and funds are limited for different counciling but I feel he has walked out on me when things were at the worst and when I needed support the most. All Im saying is people leave for reasons a higher power would probably only know and its our duty as humane emotionally broken individuals to get over that obstacle and be happy it happened sooner than later. She has also began lying, eg i found out she was seeing a counsellor, she said they were actually friends, but I have seen she has been paying her fees on her bank statements. Hang in there, Remember its not you at all, its him!!!! My take, my experience, the one who cheated and left wasnt as committed Not every day is fireworks and high school passion, my love. Yea, meeting otherpeople may be fun for a little while, but coming home to someone who knows you inside out is un-irreplaceable. My doctors didnt know how to help me. I worked 2 jobs for 5 of our 7 years to put him through school. I would have been hurt and mad, but I would not have wanted to be with someone who did not want me. Only God can fix this mess. The papers are signed. No they will not. A week after he left my dad passed away. The same thing happened to me after an argument a few days prior, my husband said it was over. Being a husband and a dad every day. I lived in a very small town and very remote area in California. Research has also found that of the couples who felt their marriage was in serious danger of ending but who stayed the course anyway, over 80+ percent of them wound up feeling very glad that they didnt get divorced. What hurts the most is She didnt just cheat and come crying back to me, she led a double life for 2 years and left after she was caught. I was devastated. My wife left me in Aug last fall. To the spouse who wants out . Inner wisdom can move you forward. Maybe I hope she leaves him or if I cant have him I think I want his social life ruined. She explains its natural to feel guilt, as its the bodys way of making sense of something unfathomable. What about when he abandons you because you wont be his beard anymore? Well the local man who wrecked his own marriage got to her and then she was after him. I hate my life and want to knock her new mans teeth out. She moved in with me for several months, but had second thoughts and ended moving to one of her relatives for a few months to sort things out. My husbands sister just got served with divorce papers today He said that over the years we relied too much on each other and have nothing to show for it. No one else will ever understand my journey or experience, because it does not sound right or possible, but it happened. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. This is a way to avoid your hurt and not deal with your emotional health. Online forums are places where people come together to share their experiences with one another. Great resource for those hurting, and I mean real hurting. We started dating young and it was really a fairytale relationship. Too bad you couldnt put a nanny cam in their house or have your oldest one record what goes on on the phone or something to prove to the police that the truth children are being mismanaged. If you want to get over the pain and suffering, the best thing you can do is forgive your husband and move on with your life. The truth hurts us, but it also helps us to move on quicker. He is not the problem; I am. I cry all the time. It is the hardest thing I ever been through. Trust Him to emotionally get you through (one set of footprints in the sand means He is carrying you thru this!!!). When I first left the security of my nuclear family, my house, and my marriage the world initially seemed so shaky and unstable. Hi Robert! I dont want her raising my kids or even being around them. 1. How do you deal with him not loving you anymore, he felt unappreciated, he started heavily texting another married woman for over a month, and you dont have anything in common? A girl who is blinded by love. I filed. He doesnt seem to understand that his actions create conflict in our relationship. He sent the email are u serious?? Its mind blowing. Now that I have the courage and confidence to speak out about my story I want to inspire others through Mint Movement, a community for single parents. So cold, so heartless and has absolutely zero consideration for me. I said that is fine, i am done with always fighting with you. Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. I say things before I realize it and then it is just to late I think that when the hurt has worn off a little I will let her read this. I have been divorced for 9 months. Failure to taste. Not only might you be facing the typical pain associated with a relationship ending, the situation can feel surreal with all of the: Both parties typically see a breakup coming when a relationship goes through a sustained period of conflict or rockiness. But partner abandonment or even an abrupt end to an affair, occurs without warning real or perceived. My honey told me I am not happy, I am idiot & I am leaving you I have known that she was his 1st true love but its hard to believe that he threw away everything we had for her. The terms broken home, broken family, failed marriage, broken marriage, are still terms used to describe my situation, all of which I loathe. Always remember that just because the past didn't turn . Take care Don. Then we play/claim victim. Rather than an excess of painful emotion, it was the lack of pain, the lack of feeling, that was the . Her boss can have her, she will do the same thing to him. Any opinions? People need real information or else they divorce prematurely and they often go on to divorce again and again (more research!). Tired of the fight. very hard. What the heck am I supposed to do now. Now she was gone two weeks and something was different. Below, divorce attorneys and marriage therapists share the most damaging things you can say in a marriage and what you should say to your spouse instead. That will never happen. We now have a new and our 5th counselor. It is a growing trend in the United States. You are dead to me as I am to you so lets not resurrect the dead. Then quite quickly our arguments started becoming more fatal & terminal. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. For his mothers birthday I baked and cooked all night and day. Hes said if theres anything I need and he can help with he will because he wont see me go without because he cares, i dont know if hes saying this because he does actually want things to work out and just needs space or if hes just being kind about the break up because he knows by me living back with my parents that will upset me at times aswell because my dad has terminal cancer I just want to know if I have a chance of getting this relationship back or weather hes just doing the kindest breakup he can x, I have been married for 16 years at first he said we had fallen apart and that i did appreciate him. Pschycopath, sociopath or narcissist, because he has no empathy, guilt, nothing, no feeling..this is hard for me to grasp, because I feel its my fault and I have fix it or me There You go!! Most likely you fell out of love because you decided to stop loving your partner or you decided that you loved someone or something else even more. I went to my room to get some clothes and on the bed was his stained boxers next to her stained panties. my wife of 25 years had a facebook affair with a strange man from the UK she had this affair online for eight months.and they met only 10 month after his wife died. You must focus con your future and your kids and let your ex wife go right now. Well the doctor she was working with was giving her Vicodin, and soma, she also was getting zanax and other pills from doctor. I honestly never thought I would recover but it was a blessing in disguise because now I have my own home and am absolutely loving life. Then, i had to find a new job to support our family, while he hung out and looked online everyday for 3 months. He isnt coming back and I have accepted that as he has now told me so many times now and he just a new life without me in it. Hello, I am a 35 year old woman and my wife and I split just two days ago. They are the only thing that matters now and the better the life you make for them the quicker you will heal. Period. He gave her money and bought her a car to keep her, but in the end, that didn't work. He is indicating he has no power to change; you have all the power. Or, reach out to her again. The next day he told me that he did not want it to continue in a relationship with me. Sometimes people are just so selfish and they think they are going to find someone better and most of the time they dont. Its up to you whether you can see them through. You may never get the answer you are looking for from your partner, but there are several common reasons why someone leaves a relationship. I know it hurts, my husband left me too. I know your not talking directly to me but it felt as though you were thank you again , Thank you so much I need this and the Most high, Hi I need some advice.. Im married with 2 beautiful kids under the age of 3 .. My husband of 4 years left me when I was 5 months pregnant with our son last year I find out he is sleeping with someone he worked with at the time. I know it sounds like a hard thing to hear, but sometimes when people get divorced their whole lives change. I dont know what to do. I know it may seem a bit weird but I stumbled upon this site just the same way. I see him on occasion for months have passed since we actually exchanged any communication, recently exchange some emails regarding my children who are now a senior in high school and a sophomore in college. Cant sleep without sleeping pills or wine. Very sad and bewildering for those of us in long term relationships. since my 18 year old daughter has said she knew about these affairs as her friends had seen her mum out with other men she had asked her about this and been shouted down and told she was wrong the hurt she has caused is unforgiveable , as for the hurt to me I could not give a s*** but our kids I will never forgive moral off this is if you want out tell them take a chance the other one will want you dont lie dont cheat be honest and people will respect you , lie. I dont think he loves me anymore. Im so hurt right now I didnt know what I do wrong to deserve this..anyways as youve said people should move on it us very easy to say but when you are in situation is very hard. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. I care about love and passion and family, but if I tell him he laughs and says we dont need that. I have to try and stay strong for myself and my children but its so hard. My wife wanting me to be happy is tormenting. She told me she left me for four of the reasons you mentioned. 5 years ago I bumped in to a high school friend. She txts him daily and it dosent bother her that Im right there. Persistent denials coupled with ego aggravates everything . ! Maybe once I can accept that then Ill start to move on, at least from crying and feeling like I cant and dont want to even get out of bed. This is unacceptable behavior from your husband. Im so lost and I dont know what to do. 1. Most men would be happy to have a wife who takes excellent care of their kids, worked many jobs, owns a business, masters degree, and cooks and cleans. And i did love her very much at the time, thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her as well. I could not agree with you more. Im wondering now if I should have. He made me quit my job because he said it didnt leave us with enough time to spend together and we bought a new car made me get rid of mine. I will probably get the letter in the mail in a couple months. You may have your theories as to why he's gone, or he may have given you a reason already, but it all comes down to one core . I know that getting over your husband is a very difficult process to go through. Who locks their 3 year old out in the place with your bedroom door locked and not answering the child cry until the next morning when your mother shows up with your older child because you cant watch her overnight anymore and really dont watch the other one. I just want her back.. My husband left me about 19 years ago we were best friends for some years but when we got married he walked out on me I had broken my leg and was using cruches to get around he left me when I needed him the most I dont know why he left me he never tried to find me to explain hisself or why he did what he did nothing bad happened between us I cant seem to get pass this I think about what he did to me everyday and nite for the past 19 years I have been emotionaly upset over this and dont know what to do i just want answers. I still love her since I said I do. Recently, my wife left me. I have been with my partner for 5 years we live together, our relationship was very fiery at the start there was quite a few break ups over various reasons, in the last 2years we havent split up once or even had a big enough argument to consider doing that, we have had petty little arguments but thats about all. If we move, he doesnt want to stay in the state but, the kind of small town where he would be happy generally has no work which in my view is not a win/win. What have I done! I am also working on it. We got a house then tried for another baby. God bless and take care sweetheart. From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Your pain will pass and you will get back on ur feet again. Rachel Im sure everyone on this site will concur that most partners who leave think about it for years before doing it. This is also the second time he has done this the last time wasnt quite as brutal I dont think he was still super cold and mean to me but there was a rocky relationship leading into it so it wasnt overly surprising it lasted abiut a month and half before he came crawling back. I have not moved for 2 days I cant stop thinking is she better then me? Two blows in one go. My husband left me after 15 years, and it was purely an ego thing on his part. He stopped saying i love you or acted although it was painful to say. In march my fiancee left after a 4 year relationship after an argument. My husband of 15 years, announced 6 weeks ago that he was unhappy. I am in very similar situation. She returns for a few days. I think the worst part is I feel like Ive had my heart ripped out with no closure, as I was left no explanation to her leaving, and pieced over the night that she hadnt been being honest with me about what she had been doing, who shes been seeing etc. He wants to be there for me, still my bes friend and has so much respect for me. I tried so hard to choke it all back as I rushed out of there. You just have to get there.
