I spent years blaming myself, thinking if I had just said that or just done that it would have been different. Only the person who dreams can interpret the dream . The intention is to replace the existing terminology, mainly the term committed suicide as committed refers to things like crime and religious offenses and contributes to the stigma around suicide. Robert, I am so incredibly sorry for this devastating loss. Read the book Night Falls Fast by Kaye Redfield Jamieson. They had been together for 6 years. My heart Stopped the moment i seen the gun right before i put it to his head. Please be gentle with yourself. Journey on. Learn how your comment data is processed. However, my main question and concern, and one I cant seem to get answered is Did he feel any pain or was it instant? You can also subscribe without commenting. There are days like today that I feel Ive lost my weapons. Time heals. I feel guilty for not spotting it. I know that probably would not have changed anything, but I am now constantly thinking about how things might have gone if I had told her about myself, about how it can get better with the proper help, with the proper friends. You could direct him to the Aliance of Hope website, a very compassionate group of people, all who have lost someone to suicide. I understand that you are going through immense pain right now. Then, when I was 14, my older brother was killed when a truck hit him on his bike after school. He immediately went back into the bedroom right next to the family room and my mom could hear him getting so angry at the gun. But to stand strong and take this front on is to be strong for yourself. This sort of traumatic loss can make it even harder to cope with grief and it can increase the feelings you describe like isolation and emptiness. You gotta look for a reason to smile every day, no matter how small it is. Or so violent the investigation of the scene from detectives was being treated as homicide. So, I can not even begin to imagine what you all are going through, if I feel as badly as I feel at losing a new friend I hardly knew. I know that he wasnt having a good time of lifeit just became too much for him. Im having a hard time processing my nieces death, but I knew it was a bad trigger time for Erin. Regina November 26, 2018 at 8:04 am Reply. She was always there for everyone else when they were depressed or sad. Then he ran away. When he stepped out of his truck he could hear the sirens and saw the front door open. Regards . IsabelleS October 31, 2020 at 1:15 pm Reply. Then I had to tell my mother. I really hope you can cope in some way. I posted this on another article, but it really belongs hereand edited for this space My husband, age 43, killed himself just over a month ago. I honestly dont know how I will get through an entire lifetime with this kind of sadness on my shoulders and in my heart. Talking to his friends at his wake, he was so loved by so many people and left such a great impression on their lives. Thank you for your post. But we are strong. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Over the course of 3 years I saw a major change in him. I was the one in my family who always hugged ,now she could not even hug me. I became concerned about 2pm when she hadnt returned. I couldn't understand why God allowed this to happen to my family, when I was faithfully serving in His name, in a country far away from home; when I had willingly left everything behind: career, lifelong friendship, and all the other comforts I had at home. Please remember that often when we cant make sense of a situation, our brains often seek a cause. You name it. He thought he was doing something to fix a problem he created and I will never understand how he thought his life was worth any amount of money! Ask for help if/when you need it. Have you read our posts that are specifically on grieving an overdose death? Isabelle Siegel January 25, 2021 at 9:52 am Reply. The best that could be done was hope there was no suffering or struggle during his last day. I begged him and told him I would be right over. I ended my engagement; how could I marry if my best friend wasnt with me? It probably took me about twenty five years to finally accept that my stepdad really died of suicide. At first it didnt even seem real, but as time goes on the reality solidifies and haunts me daily. Committed robbery, committed arson, committed murder. He took care of his troops. It is a ravaging, harrowing death and grief. I said okay, I am gonna whip my sons buttI went inside and there was an odor, but thought maybe its the trash. the questions came faster than I could process. I was home and heard the noise from the gun. Everything is starting to feel fresh again just like the days after it happened. Yes he had been reckless and he was struggling. When we said goodbye, it was always blowing a kiss and saying love you long time, partner. I had a pre-planned obligation out of town when it happened. . Take care of yourself. I facilitated and lead my brother to run away from home and kill himself. Desi. This runs through my head everyday. richardmcdo at gmail dot com Thetesa Ill keep you in my thoughts. This all is NOT your fault and you COULDNT have avoided it. By Tuesday after his stepfather & I made tons of calls the police were called. Once we got home we decided to ride around the neighborhood and smoke a cigarette and drink a beer. All I can do is cry. My boyfriend of 9 years died by suicide 14 months ago. Sending you all the support for your air travels and an internet hug. Know that there are support groups that can be helpful. What couldve driven him to such an act must have been so overpowering that even his life didnt matter, his family and children didnt matter and I didnt matter. It runs rampant here in the US and across the globe. He told me he was going to the store and that was the last time I saw him. have so much of stress. As of today, Im still confused of why he isnt around anymore. I did all I could to help out my friend. This is such a well written article! I think I have grief guilt. I wish everyone on this grief journey well and have found this a good article to read. While everyones journey is unique, numerous patients with paranoid schizophrenia are effectively treated and cured with their mode of treatment. However, in this instance, they may find that many of their questions are either unanswerable or lead to distressing conclusions (whether or not these conclusions are true). He called . By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. It was shocking . Asked that a few times. I should be surprised ( but Im not) that Switzerland does not have a grief support group. I prayed to God for a sign that I should go, which I never received. I looked out my bedroom window to see a Sheriff driving away. Allow yourself to feel the full scope of your feelings. Give yourself time to heal. It does not mean you will act on those thoughts. When he came, that all changed. I try to tell myself daily that I shouldnt feel sorrow for my loss, but appreciate the fact I had a great father for 23 years of my life. My husband is ill with MS and I have been looking after him for 18 years. Early on in my grief, I also wanted to die. His sister suffers from Bipolar too and misses him terribly I also lost my first baby girl only after 10 days so I find life very hard, and cannot enjoy myself or seem to be able to come to terms with this awful empty, sad and bereft feeling. Wed both aged by decades, and maybe I sensed that he was depleted. It was literally 2 months to the day from when we got married that this happened. He showed no signs of depression prior to his death, just the alcoholism. It took all my siblings to hold her up and keep her from tugging on him. Don, I am so sorry for all you are coping with. My daughter in law was in her car and I was told to pull over and when I said who I was I was told he had died. I cannot describe my feelings, and I dont know what to do anymore. She left us because there was a create deal of abuse and abandonment in her life. I want to be who I was before him, a whole person who doesnt have anothers issues running their life. My wife took her life almost 8 years ago. While making eggs I felt the Lord tell me to drop to my knees and pray for my . Im now in the position of being the mental and physical stability for my family. My dads bipolar with manic rage. How about a suicide completer? It seems incredibly unlikely that if this were a primary issue weighing on him that he would not have engaged and at least explored the options you presented him for getting out of the alimony. Hard. Completely didnt expect it she was always so against it my whole life. He was just the best man in the world and know Im 26 without my father. the night he killed himself he told me how happy he was he had never been this happy in his lifehe had the best kids in the world, his 2 and my 2, he had the best parents, the best siblings and the best girlfriend in the world. My Joseph, husband of 22 years, was my best friend, my sunshine and my center. Despite getting some closure from his mother on what happened, I still feel responsible, yet helpless, for everything up to the point. Then I would of course tell her that I do love you, and Im sorry but she was already grieving her Daddy so bad now she felt like she lost her Momma too.Lindsey seemed to only keep the bad words,the bad arguments that we had been having since his death.So my guilt about letting my daughter down and I feel actually causing her to finally take her own life is eating me alive.Yes, she had been threatening suicide since her very early teens and at first we were terrified, It was awful so scary ,we would do anything say anything to stop her. <3, Litsa September 14, 2021 at 9:34 am Reply, Please know that you are very much not alone in this. Jan. 31, 2020. He did. He came to visit me two weeks before the wedding and he was drunk when he came off the plane. If it were natural causes or an accident, I feel I could deal better. My mum died at 67 in Feb 2017, my big brother took it hardest. , Andrea Taylor June 24, 2022 at 5:53 am Reply. My bestfriend. Your grief will take time. Maybe we could talk a bit. seems like we need to chat I have a few questions for you. My own life gets shorter each day, and I recognize this. Im so scared, but I dont think I can go through with it knowing I could hurt my kids so badly. Be gentle to yourself. Meet Raashi, who channeled the grief of her brother's suicide into a mission to make Indians more about mental health afflictions. He was 27 years old, and he was a combat veteran who had been out of the Army for 5 years. Right before he took his life we talked and said this world wasnt for us and its like we were just playing a game and seeing who would kill themself first. Your sisters and mom are coping in their own way. And I will never love a man the way I did John. Carolyn April 11, 2019 at 2:44 pm Reply. I suggest you check out this page to find someone more equipped to help: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. So many questions dont have answers but this one is the biggest. Dear June I am so very sorry for your loss and grief. I let his doctors know when he was having thoughts of self-harm, and when he made attempts, at least 5 times since the fire. People dont work like that. At this point I am not sure if it was something that was preplanned or something that he decided to do after I left town. I dont know how he could do that while looking at pictures of his living family hanging on the wall right across from him. Its slightly comforting knowing that Im not the only one that has felt this.. Maureen Vanhook March 18, 2019 at 10:14 pm Reply, I have read all of your stories .. And, I have cried my eyes out, literally I still dont understand. Like an annual walk, motorcycle ride, bike ride, charity event and donate money to a cause in his name or set up a foundation etc to keep his legacy helping others. People do care. The Internet becomes everything to them. She left a beautiful son age 8 who is gentle soul . This is especially true on certain posts where we know that people are hoping to connect with others who have had similar experiences or who can relate. The officers told me my fiance must have been gone for 20 minutes or so, it had taken me that long to arrive home and try and stop him. He didnt commit a crime he was mentally out of it. Only being 3 months the pain is totally unbelievable and the heart break of wondering why or what could of stopped it . She took her life when it wasnt expected I know its a different situation that you were in but I know the pain and Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loves all of us he doesnt want to see us in pain its the only way Ive been able to get through this and I know he loves you and he wants you into His life which is everlasting I know we never have to live this pain forever, Josie Evanson December 12, 2021 at 11:22 pm Reply, My wonderful bf just killed himself 7 days ago. Life should just stop for a bit, it shouldnt have to go on as if all is well. Rational thinking went out the window and autopilot kicks in. If only there were something I could do to help them heal. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. You will survive. Im lost, confused, and broken. But she sadly found his obituary! Additionally, other traumatic loss risk factors are associated with suicide, such as feelings of blame, witnessing the death, and finding the body. You are not alone. Hurting so much . My parents are a wreck. Do we ever get over this sort of thing. We just buried her this past Friday. He knew it was going to hurt us but he also knew Id b ok. That I want him back. I did not even know she had a gun. He jumped in front of a train. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may be experiencing a remnant of grief, which is a normal part of grieving. He was successful and had an amazing family. Im glad I could help him but god I cant help but think sometimes I could save a friend and not my sister, Please help me understand. even the relationship with his ex was the best it ever was, he said what else could i ask for. I remember the day specifically because it was also the day that I told him that I had filed for divorce and he needed to pick up the paperwork from my attorneys office. I just want to know how you feel. You are pathetic, you are just like a foid attempting suicide with tic tacs for attention. They said it was Bipolar.. but I think it was other things as well. I lost my husband to suicide on 12th June 2020. He had reached out to so many people that day and evening, family members as well as friends. I understand the guilt, regret ALL OF IT. It feels good to get this all out, even if no one will read it. My Mom had been with my Dad for 32 years, and built her entire life around him. My big sister. He said he loved me too and left after a hug with a smile on his face. I am just stating to read about suicide. She called my daughter and told her to google his name and she too found his obituary.
